I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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