eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
