Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...