No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.