I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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