Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
