the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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