She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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