In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
