She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
