Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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