weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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