In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
