my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
