Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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