i was rollin on her like bob the builder
handjob tips. give me some.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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