i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
