when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
