My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Sober January is a disaster.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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