we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
