So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
barbara walters just said penis...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
