Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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