Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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