If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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