Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
