I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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