he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
