I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
