I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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