im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize