she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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