I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
