drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
