Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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