Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
