I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
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I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
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So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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