he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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