pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
