Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
