hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
