I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
