he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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