Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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