I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
