I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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