you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
