Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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