So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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