if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize