I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
