I wish life had little blips of pornography
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
