Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Can I color on your dick again?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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