Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Can I color on your dick again?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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