Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
