I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
