Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
