we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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