i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
