she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
