Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
