I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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