I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
