were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
