Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
