I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
