I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
