Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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