Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
