So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
