i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
