Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish I only lived at night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
