New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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