Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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