oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
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