The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
