In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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