His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
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Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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