I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
