You're my little dorito
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
