There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
