I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
