omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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