just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
