the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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